IDK

I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I don't know what I'm waiting for. I don't know why I'm expecting something. I don't know why I keep on treating myself like this. I don't know.

I want my old self back. Happy, at least. Fuck this shit.

I hate everything now. 

Maybe I'm just tired. Whatever.

People really come and go huh. 

yeah

yeah

yeah

change

Hey ho! I'm back and wow, I must say a lot of things has been changing a lot during my absence here. Wow wow wow

Like how UT already started since last week and I didn't even study for any of them (as per usual) and how there's this news about this PRC couple that fell to their death while having sex by the window HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH WHO IN THE WORLD WOULD BE THAT DUMB?
AND HOW I'M BROKE NOW W NO MONEY AT ALL HA HA HA

Life's been good, real good. I have amazing colleagues and classmates and I just love them so much. I don't show it but i love you guys so much.

My lovely classmates. xx


And how someone entered my life recently. It feels amazing, and I want it to last forever. And there's a lot of things that I'd love to share with him, but it's crazy. I'm so used to being alone and independent, so when someone just comes up and we have so much things in common and I'm afraid. Afraid of messing things up because I'm not that 'normal'. Afraid that he'll leave, (I know people come and go, but I don't want people to leave my life.) Afraid that I'll be replaced. To make it worse, I'm emotionless as hell. I don't even know how to react to words. To even say "I miss you" is fucking hard. I'm too used being a lone wolf, I didn't really bother about people. If you go, some part of me will die a bit but I'll still stay strong. It's crazy. If you stay with me, I'll make sure your ride with me is worthwhile. If things go right, you would be my first in everything, like literally. And I will never leave.

AND THEN I START TO OVER THINK. FUCK YOU, HEAD. FOREVER. MESSING. WITH. MY. HEAD.
I'm no good, I'm not pretty, I'm not smart, and here I am thinking, why did you even want to get to know me? I'm fucking rude and I got anxiety issues with myself and I don't want to bring anyone down with me. I can never brighten anyone's day and i feel so worthless. So, then I figured. I should stay alone. More better, and I don't have to worry about broken hearts.

WHY AM I EVEN TALKING ABOUT THIS? BECAUSE I'M A FUCKING IDIOT. THAT'S WHY.

I'm so messed up, right? Hah, I can't even
Overthinking sucks.

my kind of night

I'm so happy I get to take a nap after school (for the first time this year, cos I have no work today. Yay yay yay)

I love school, but I don't know why it's so hard to get As. I thought it would be easy like *snaps fingers* THAT. Been getting a lot of Cs and it means it's 2.0. Fuck, I'm so dead ha ha ha

Anyways, did I say how much I love my lovely classmates? They're just the perfect classmates eva. :-)

Here's some pictures for you guysssss :-*

There's still like gazillion photos I took with them hahahahaha. After this semester, I'm gonna miss them, I swear. But at the bright side, I get to make new friends with strangers-that-I'm-gonna-meet-soon right? So I guess everything will be alright......... hopefully.

ANd guys! I'm gonna do my hair tmr weeeeeeeeeee am super duper excited and I can't wait to see how it turns out into. 

And I love how there's no work today and how I can just chill at home and just rot. Mmhm life's good. Mah kind of night

SCHOOL IS STARTING!

So, school is starting in a few days' time and yep I'm kinda 50/50 about the situation. This sucks, I swear. I spent most of my holidays just working and I really enjoyed it so much. So the thought of starting school soon is............. wow.

I just went to my first day of orientation (FOP) yesterday and it was boring. I'm gonna be straightforward cos I see no point trying to conceal the truth. Most of the students (including me) weren't hyped up at all. And it's unusual for me because I'm the type of girl who WILL go crazy during camps or whatever events and shit like that. But this one, NO. And we just kept on doing cheers most of the time and that's what makes me go ugh. WHO THE HELL DOES THAT? OK, although the first  part of the day isn't the best, I have to say JAM & HOP was AWESOME. LIKE OMFG AWESOME. SOH rocks hehehehe. Okay, anywaysssss, I ain't coming for the second day hah. Don't wanna be wasting my time there.

____________________________________________________________

Oh boy, I'm infatuated with you.

What's New!

Finally, I'm back! Been so busy with work lately. Literally. But I'm enjoying it. So what's new about me? So lemme see.

Just so you know, I got into the course that I appealed for and I'm so happy. Yay! And basically I got myself a MacBook Pro and it's heavy as hell. But all is fine. I love it. And I also got myself an iPhone 5 so I can match with my Macbook. Yeah, basically that's all.
Oh! Poly check-up at SATA....... Can I start on how annoyed I was? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Okay lah, I'm annoyed cos my height is still the same! LOL. But other than that, I'm good and i'm healthy. *thumbs up*

And I'm so obsessed with phone covers. Hahahahahahha and don't forget polaroid films. Man. I can go crazy over them.

AND OMG GUYS, DEMI LOVATO IS IN SG TODAY AND SHE IS GONNA HAVE A CONCERT/GIG AT HARD ROCK HOTEL AND I'M NOT EVEN COMING. WHAT IS LIFE. *SOBS UNCONTROLLABLY* But again, I have work so one way or another, I still can't make it. Meh. Dear Demi, I'll go to Dallas/LA just to see you. Soon and definitely.

To be honest, I actually wanna talk about work more since I'm always at work. On my off days, I literally spend my time with my colleagues actually. Or I'll be at home, rotting and staying in bed. For the rest of the day. But right now, I made a point to take two OFF days. One for an outing and one to just rot at home. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE to work. Sometimes, I wouldn't mind working full shifts everyday. But right now, school is starting and I need to clean my room and actually start preparing myself for school. My house is like a hotel for me. I wake up, go to work, return from home, sleep and the next day, the cycle continues. But I'm trying my best to spend time with my family. Oh, and today is actually my first day attachment to Wisma Body and I'm pretty excited cos it's Body. B O D Y. Oh yes, work has also made me greedy in terms of $$$. Like I shop a lot nowadays. Cos I know I'm earning money and shit like that and that's when I start buying things on impulse. Oh well.
And I really want to express my love for my colleagues. They're my babypies. I never thought I could get so close to them actually. Right now we make it a point to have an outing frequently cos school is starting soon and that's when we start to get busy. And lately, everybody wants to quit and ya. That sucks. Like a part of me will be gone. Sigh sigh sigh.

And then I think about myself. Like sometimes I hate myself. For getting too attached to people easily and how my head will bring back all the memories I had with the person I became attached too. And I hate myself because I'm me. Like I look in the mirror and I'm just like why? Yeah, on those days when I get super duper insecure and when I'm uncomfortable being me. I bet everyone has their down days; while mine is almost every night. Overthinking kills.

I guess this is the part where I go off and return back 100 years after that, hah. I'll try to blog when I'm free and I'll promise one more entry before school starts.

and i realised how fast am I in changing topics and how there's no link between them. ok meh c u guys soon.